It's scary what a sleepless mind can do to you...finally decided to take time to read through all the previous chapters of Ghostopia. Sure hope it isn't a case of the Extra Fondness In Your Own Work Syndrome (refer to previous Writer's Block), but the story does seem interesting so far.
However, you aren't spending your precious time to read about me praising my own stories, so let's happy-ise ourselves with a little...
LOOPHOLES IN THE STORY WHICH I MADE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO FIND
1) The first time Darren meets Kat, she tries to trick him out of his papers. In fact, she makes a living out of cheating people of their things - presumably to sell them off for cash. However, in Chapter 12: The Haunt, Nelson tells Darren that everything in Ghostopia is paid for - you only need to pay the bill right before your second Death. Maybe Kat just likes the smell of fresh bank notes?
2) Big boo-boo here: if you notice, Darren tells Nelson how he died twice - first in Chapter 9: Meeting Nelson ( "Uhh...I was at this graduation, when suddenly everyone started screaming and running away from me. I felt this terrible pain all over me, and next time I knew, I was here." ), then another time in Chapter 13: Bygones ( "At your very own graduation? No way!" "Yeah, and you know the worst part? I still don't know what I died of!" ). Maybe Nelson wanted to be extra sure?
3) In Chapter 24: The Meeting Starts, when Darren knocks on the door, a "gruff voice" answers him. But it is Kat who answers the door, and the other Ghosts inside appear timid even when greeting Darren. Maybe the magical door answered itself?
4) In Chapter 20: Time Passes, Darren hears the bell signalling time in Ghostopia while talking to Kat. He then curiously wonders why there are fourteen chimes, making it obvious that it is his first time hearing the bell. Later on, at, 6 o' clock, he hears the bell again at Nelson's stall. If so, why didn't he hear the bell at 6 o' clock on the first day, when he was most likely at Nelson's stall as well? Maybe I'm just being a jerk?
That's all I could muster with a supposedly conscious effort...let's see if you can make me look dumber! Anyways, going through the whole story has reminded me of several "spare plot devices" I'd cleverly (self-praise IS praise!) planted at the start. And you know what? The best thing about these spare plot devices is that nobody's gonna notice if you don't use them. =^p
Expect a teeny-weeny break as I try to fashion all the swirling bits into something cool. I can truly sense that we're on the verge of it here, let's pray I don't turn it into "Suddenly, Darren wakes up from a dream".
Speaking of which, I could use a piece of sleep myself.