One year ago, I had Snowflake with Peter after he returned from mission trip.
He shared with me how amazing it was, and that I should go too someday.
I told him that I was more keen to volunteer for Life Game. To my surprise, he hesitated before replying, "That's good too, but I think it's still within your comfort zone."
What? Surely he couldn't have meant that, right?
"Sorry ah," he mumbled apologetically as always. "Sorry ah."
Later that night, he even sent me an SMS to say sorry again. Cute!
However, a deep thought had been grafted into my mind: Cold it be true? Was I really too comfortable in my ministry, willing only to approach the seen and face the understood?
It was too much to bear. Somewhat out of peer pressure, I agreed to join the 2012 mission trip first chance I got.
On a dreary Sunday evening in March, the team met together for the first time. It was a lot more serious and scary than I expected. Thankfully over the months, we slowly bonded through times of sharing, prayer, rehearsing and planning together. But one thing remained - the trip itself always seemed like a very distant event. Kind of like death - you spend your whole life preparing for it, but it never feels real until you're staring it in the eye.
Well, I'm now staring the mission trip in the eye. About 12 hours before takeoff.
It has not been an easy journey. Speaking from a humanly perspective, I dislike this trip a lot.
I dislike that it was extended beyond Christmas, seemingly against my will.
I dislike that it was placed in December, a very very busy month for everyone.
I dislike that I have to skip three weddings for it, two of friends who are quite close.
I dislike that I have had to turn down several jobs and endure some crazy rushes for it.
I dislike that so many super urgent projects have oh-so-conveniently popped up.
I dislike that I happened to sign up for the longest, furthest and most 'underprivileged' mission trip in my church history.
I dislike that we are going into an even more difficult and unfamiliar area this year.
I dislike that many people have warned me about falling horribly ill there.
I dislike that we will be there in WINTER with NO WATER HEATER.
I dislike that there are so many extra charges for this trip - vaccination, visa, insurance etc.
I dislike the fact that I'm really, really unprepared for this. As I type, I still have quite a fair bit of work to rush. Planning to wake up early tomorrow to complete it.
These past two weeks, I find myself sometimes zoning into a trance-like state as I imagine how the trip will be like. But ultimately, nothing fruitful seems to result from that.
Maybe, just maybe, it's time to let go and trust God. Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes... and leap!
It's time to try defying gravity I think I'll try defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity And you won't bring me down!
I wrote this and posted it online under a sexy new American pseudonym.
Wow. I'm really enjoying rhyming a lot these days. My hit-and-miss collection of mokkus (very, very loosely based on haikus) posted on Facebook over the past two days.
Mary Rose Sat on a rose. Mary rose.
(Okay okay, I'll come clean here. I actually stole this from one of those Bookworm joke books I read when I was younger. However, their version goes 'Mary Rose, sat on a PIN'. Which I think it not as funny as mine. I assure you however that the rest are mine.)
(A further check on Google reveals that it's actually quite a common prose.)
Kim Jong-Il Ate bad eel. Kim Jong ill.
Ha Ji Won Bet ten won. Ha Ji won. Alice Tan Sunbathed till ten. Alice tan. Ong Kar Ting Forgot something. Ong Kar think.
Chua Soi Lek Unifi he lacked. Chua Soi lag. Ryu, Ken. Who uses Hadouken? Ryu can.
Brad Pitt Went to a pit. Brad peed. Abu Bakar Trapped in burning car. Abu bakar. John Woo Typed "wuwuwuu~" John woo.
Later amended to: John Woo, Knitted sweater of wool. John woo.
60 Going On 70 I am 60 (kg), going on 70 (kg) I feel like a swine Fellows I met have told me I'm fat And now I just chat online.
I am 60 (kg), going on 70 (kg) Overweight and so gross Size zero tight jeans, clothes from magazines
What do I know of those?
Totally unprepared am I To face a world of dates Timid and shy and scared am I Of girls below my weight.
I need someone heavier and fatter To make me look somewhat cool You are 70 (kg), going on 80 (kg) I'll depend on you.
My Favourite Things Barbecued sweet pork and crispy fried chicken, Rich chocolate cake and ice cream with pecans. Big juicy burgers with onion rings, These are a few of my favourite things.
Indomee double with telur mata kerbau, Large nasi lemak with extra hot sambal. Kajang lamb sate with grilled chicken wings, These are a few of my favourite things.
Tunai TUNAIIII...because I did not bring my Smart Tagggg Touch and Go zero So I havvvvve to goooooo
TUNAIIII...so long queue So I go to Smart Tag lane
Cut into Tunai lane All horn tilllll my ears so painnnn So if by the time you reach your turn and you feel like want to die Remember to have enough... TUNAI.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think they're really quite funny and creative.
Larutan tepu. Heard of it before? Maybe only if you're a product of the Sains in Bahasa teaching system.
In English, it means saturated liquid. In normal English, it means a liquid that has had so much dissolved into it till it cannot absorb anything else. If you were to continually stir salt into a cup of water, eventually it would become so saturated that new salt just would not dissolve in it. The water can no longer absorb any new salt particles.
During mission trip meeting last week, it dawned on me how easily we saturate our lives sometimes. We surround ourselves with endless activities, commitments, plans, gadgets and media, carelessly allowing them to eat up more and more of our time, till eventually we become tepu. In such a state, we are no longer able to absorb any more from God and His blessings. It is not that God's presence has decreased, but that our hearts and minds can no longer receive.
We need to take good care of ourselves. Life in the city naturally inclines us towards taking in more and more. It is not natural to live in simplicity - it takes a conscious decision and continuous effort.
My friend, I pray that you do not end up as a larutan tepu from the world's impurities. God has so much more goodness to stir into you.
Today I finally understood what the lyrics mean, and they're just as beautiful as I've always imagined them to be.
I still remember the hotel sign that day I still recall our smiles as
we departed
That day, the city streets bustled ever so
As we walked together for half a mile.
I still remember the streetlight's yellow on your face
Lighting up our lukewarm take-away
Silhouetted, the contours of your face looked too good
With tears held back, I dared myself to gaze closer
Forgetting all else
It felt like losing myself as well
Yet I could not forget our promise to watch yellow leaves fill the sky
Even if I part from you
A sad story indeed
You must forget, so that I shall not remember
For tomorrow, we may no longer recognise each other
Yet we will not forget our promise to meet again if we are still alive
Even if you are strong
Time will take its toll
Even if your hair turns white
I will still recognise you
I still remember the guitar chords that day
I still understand what every tune meant
Your voice lingered in the corner of the street
The road we walked past, like a song it faded
Forgetting all else
It felt like losing myself as well
Yet I could not forget our promise to watch yellow leaves fill the sky
Even if I part from you
A sad story indeed
You must forget, so that I shall not remember
For tomorrow, we may no longer recognise each other
Yet we will not forget our promise to meet again if we are still alive
Even if you are strong
Time will take its toll
Even if your hair turns white
I will still recognise you
Even if you are strong
Time will take its toll
Even if your hair turns white
I will still recognise you
Young man, Why are you so angry? Why are you quick to speak, slow to listen? Why are you filled daily with harshness and curses?
Young man, Why are you in such a hurry? Why are you running from one accomplishment to another? Why are you making those around you run just as fast?
Young man, Why are you so ambitious? Why do you wish to amass riches beyond compare? Why do you wish to lord over the rest of the world?
Young man, Why are you so proud? Why do you fall in love so easily with all you have done? Why do you take pleasure in belittling those who are lesser?
Young man, Why are you so reckless? Why do you flirt with the dangers and temptations of this world? Why do you desire to experience foolishness for yourself first?
Young man, I'm sorry I scolded you for being too playful for my liking. I'm sorry I was too busy to play silly ball games with you. I'm sorry I worked too hard to give us a supposed better life. I'm sorry I mocked your drawings and forced you to become me. I'm sorry I disregarded all sound advice and paid with my body.
Young man, Please stay a while And listen to me.
Young man, Don't go, I beg you Listen to this old man.
My Youtube channel pic since 2006, taken in 2002. Not sure if things have changed since then.
I love creating and telling stories. Always have, always will.
However, stories are mere souls. They need a body to reside in - the medium.
Recently, I have been very engrossed in analysing the intricacies of different storytelling mediums (media?). All my life, I chose to bring stories to life through writing. However, I am becoming aware that I am not a very good writer. A good writer needs to be an ardent reader or traveller, possess tremendous patience, passion, honesty and a certain degree of eccentricity. I am extremely average in all of these aspects; hence, a propensity only for short stories.
Over the years, I also dabbled in a little film-making. But these were always more out of necessity than interest. Now as I watch more short films on Youtube, this particular medium is starting to grow on me.
I love how little visual hints can be used to convey subtle character traits, suggest plot points or even beautify a scene. Compared to writing, where I often find it a chore to describe scenes without venturing into English Essay mode e.g. 'It was a bright and breezy day at the beach, with waving coconut trees and cheerful families framing the idyllic scene.' A+ for school, Big C for Cheesy for me. Unfortunately for writers, we are always fighting against the universal truth that a picture speaks a thousand words.
Also, I enjoy the camaraderie that the film-making process brings. Unlike writing which is almost always a lonesome affair, film-making gives everyone a chance to shine. The actors! The cameraman! The scriptwriter! The props and costume person (low budget, need to multitask)! Et cetera. It's one of the awesomest feelings to see everyone come together, passionate about the same cause and give their all! Adds a whole lot more dynamism to the project. Of course, working in a team isn't all fun and games. You win some, you lose some.
Ah...I love and miss making short films!
Just so that this post doesn't end too abruptly, here are some of my past short films that I love the most. Okay, so they're actually not short films. They're ads for a yearly youth Gospel Camp my church conducts.
2008: No Apologies: The Truth About Love, Life & Sex
Ep 1: Shot and dubbed in Zhi Yong's house in two hours. Extremely amateurish work, as we were totally new to this at the time. Evidence: hilariously inconsistent lighting and camera angle changes, on-the-spot and unwilling actors (especially Zhi Zheng), unsynchronised voice-overs. Fortunately, the sentimental Yiruma music (which was added because Zhi Yong SO HAPPENED to have it in his laptop) and Jhow Weh's voice saved it. The church people loved it.
Ep 2: To underscore how unprofessional we were back then, we weren't even able to retain the same actors for the next installment. They were too embarrassed. Well, at least we still had the original voice actors. I recall Zhi Yong having to work some editing gymnastics as we left out several lines during voice recording. In retrospect it was still very amateurish but the allegedly stirring storyline tugged many a heartstring. And the music.
Ep 3: Yay! The original actors returned. But it didn't make much a difference, as they were randomly cast and not believable as a couple from the start. Yeah, a six-year age gap is easy to tell once you're out of bed. All in all, a less-than-epic conclusion that contained too many flashbacks and a rather 'huh?' ending. We wanted to keep the ending ambiguous - it wasn't clear whether Alice was leaving for another place, or committing suicide. Nope, didn't work.
Ep 4: A joke epilogue that aired at the end of the camp Talent Night. I especially remember the thrill of creating overlapping voices for the first time. Funny to think how it started off as a silly conversation with Chi Yuan, and ended up being a moment for the ages!
2009: Escape
Ep 1: New year, new camp, entirely new direction! If last year's Ep 1 was 'controversial' for its suggested nudity, this was bordering on being too scary. We gathered in Ju Yuan's house to discuss script ideas, and started fooling around with masks and coats (The Dark Knight and Joker were still very much in fashion then). Several test shots later, a cool new video came into being.
Okay, not really. The initial video, which had Ju Yuan acting as the 'devil' and was supposedly set to the theme of Ghostbusters, was just too hard to take seriously. So I quickly organised a re-shoot. Unfortunately, Ju Yuan wasn't around on the day of the reshoot and we had to settle for...who else? Jhow Weh. Surprisingly, he delivered an inspired performance (both acting and voice-over!). Couple that with the chilling theme from Jaws, and a classic was born.
The campy first cut was eventually seen again in the bloopers video.
Ep 2: Once again, the curse of the sequel loomed large. After the well-received part 1, there were only two ways we could go. One, rehash the 'porn struggle' which was an appealing subject. Two, go for something new. The latter was clearly a logical choice. Unfortunately, other sins were just less 'captivating' than the subject of porn. The end result - a much weaker Part 2 that pushed a grand total of zero envelopes.
And oh...you would never have guessed it, but the mother-daughter-boyfriend phone conversations were INSANELY tough to shoot and edit. Mostly due to my lack of proper planning and equipment.
And, and, also...this would be my first collaboration with the talented actress/future director Evie Wong. In case you don't notice, her lines are all voice-overs! Yes, that means she had to recite her lines once during shooting, and repeat the exact words during voice-over recording. Not easy when you consider that most of our dialogue was ad-libbed.
Ep 3: Wiser from my mistake in No Apologies Part 3, I quickly established that this finale needed a bang. We started with 'Temptation is powerful', followed by 'Temptation is alluring'. It made sense then that the conclusion should be a positive one: 'Temptation is defeatable'.
Interestingly, Evie's dialogue was recorded 100% from Taiwan (she had left to further her studies), based only on my English script. Plus, Lian Juang was very very reluctant to act. And check out Jhow Weh's epic sukan pants.
Bloopers: The aforementioned fiasco and more that followed. It's actually not that funny.
2010: The Pursuit Of Happiness
Ep 1: My personal favourite series! This time, the world was introduced to a gifted actor by the name of Clement Choo. We went to Benjamin's house and brainstormed for ideas before Clement and/or Benjamin stumbled upon the idea of doing something District 9-esque. If memory serves me right, we shot his interview scene there, and then drove straight to Peter's house for the second scene. As always, almost everything was ad-libbed.
Musically-wise, I love the surrealism and youthfulness 'Dreams' brings, reminiscent of one pursuing happiness. Perhaps some felt that it was too pop, but to me it perfectly captures the storyline's essence. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Ep 2: Ah yes, the video that required two nights' worth of retakes. While it was unique for using only one continuous shot, this was a nightmare to shoot because of two words: Jhow Weh. Acting as the interviewer, he messed up his lines over and over and over and over while poor Li Yin endured laughing playfully with her 'dad' 68 million times. At the end of the night, we were finally closing in on a successful take. And...Jhow Weh's phone, which was also our camera, died. Seriously.
Utterly demotivated, everyone agreed to come back the next night. And Li Yin had to wear the same clothes, which is embarrassing if you're a girl. If you believe that the first take is the best, this would be one of the worst videos ever.
Compared to the previous years though, I feel that this didn't do too bad for an Episode 2. Furthered the plot quite nicely with some snippets of drama.
Ep 3: If I thought Ep 2 was hard to shoot, I was so so wrong. THIS WAS HARDER TO SHOOT THAN THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY.
Explanation: It was Chinese New Year, and both Brandon and Li Yin would be out of KL at varying times. Scheduling conflicts, if you will. Plus, we had to do some site recce as the first scene would be shot in Endah Parade.
After much hassle, yay! We finally got our shot. And the Curse of Jhow Weh's Phone struck again.
Without any reason, the file became CORRUPTED. ROSAK. KAPUT. Like...what??!
To cut a long story short, we had to reshoot one week later by when Brandon's hair had grown comically long and Li Yin had cut hers. At least we got a random shopper which Li Yin rather realistically bumped into as she stormed off.
As an aside, this was a rather emotional video for me. I was then being admitted to hospital for my knee operation, and would spend entire days editing it there. A lot of life pondering took place too, given the subject of the video. Till today, the song 'Maybe' by Yiruma takes me to a special place. :)
Once I finished this episode, I wept a
little inside as I knew that it was the completion of a very special
trilogy. No matter what was to come, they would always be irreplaceable to me.
2011: Unplug
Evie Wong returned to lend me a hand for this one. As much as I hate to admit it, my heart just wasn't very much into it then. I was also Camp Director that year, and thus didn't want to devote too much time into shooting videos.
From a technical aspect, it was a breakthrough as we started using Evie's canggih Sony Handycam (okay, still quite un-canggih actually), multiple camera angles and Adobe Premiere Pro editing (compared to Windows Movie Maker previously...don't you dare laugh!). It took some effort to coax a performance out of Joel, but he did considerably well.
Fun fact: This is the only Gospel Camp promo video where Jhow Weh does not appear in some capacity. He had a cameo appearance as a shopper in Pursuit Of Happiness Ep 3.
And...that's all, folks! More new memories soon, I hope?
To me, every single bump, bruise, cut, everything has been worth it.
The sacrifices as you call them, I wouldn’t give any of ‘em back to
you, because I loved ‘em all.” - Steve Austin
