Monday, February 08, 2010

Men's Restroom Etiquette

I was going through my old Hotmail junk when I remembered this email from almost 5 years back. One of those Funny Bone subscription things. Read it again, and just as hilarious and insightful as the first time. So I'm sharing it with you guys. You know it's gonna be good!

Men should ace this test ... women may have a little difficulty.

There IS a code of "Restroom Etiquette" that MUST be followed.

The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An "X" above the number indicates "urinal is in use."


|---|---| x |---|---| x |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

(Indicates urinals 3 and 6 are occupied.)

You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to stand. Good luck!

#1) Easy

|---| x |---| x |---|---| (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Your choice: ___

#2) Easy

| x |---|---|---|---|---| (Urinal 1 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Your choice: ___

#3) Kind of tricky

|---|---|---|---|---|---| (empty)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Your choice: ___

#4) Kind of tricky

|---| x |---| x |---| x | (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Your choice: ___

#5) Subtle, tricky, but important to know

|---| x |---|---| x | x | (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Your choice: ___

#6) VERY tricky indeed

| x | x |---|---| x | x | (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Your choice: ___

Correct Answers:

#1: Stall 6
It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinc
tively knows this.

#2: Stall 6
Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk
of being next to someone who arrives later.

#3: Stall 1 or 6
You are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next
to me."

#4: Stall 1
You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you
minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium restrooms where the herd thunders in.

#5: Stall 4
Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couples" you with the
guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice to say, only we men would understand!

#6: Stall - NONE!
You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair
or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for goodness' sake... use a doored stall!

Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

-- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
-- I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense.
-- NO Singing. Period.
-- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again".

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Generation R

What the heck does a picture of 3 kittens have to do with this post?! Oh wait...

R for random, that is.

Ever noticed how common the word random is becoming these days?

When someone cracks a joke that's not funny, we go "Eh, don't be so random lah."

When someone dresses inappropriately, we say "Why wear so random today?"

When someone falls down, we laugh, "Hahahaha. RANDOM."

In fact, the word random doesn't even really mean random anymore. You just use it when something is generally:

a) Funny ("Hahahaha! That's random!")
b) Not funny ("Er...okay. That was random.")
c) Weird ("Wait...don't you find it very random?")
d) Unplanned ("I feel random today.")
e) Stupid ("OMG. Random.")
f) Inexplicable ("I dunno lah. Random I guess.")
g) Illogical ("That was just...random.")
h) Unexpected ("His presence at today's party was very random.")
i) Confusing ("What're you guys talking about? I feel so random.")
j) Annoying ("Hey, stop being so random okay!")
k) Crazy ("Whoa, I can't take it. It's too random for me.")

Believe it or not, the word random has become random itself. What a cruel twist of fate.

It's the anthem of the generation. Where we once had groovy in the 70s and cool in the 90s, this decade is heading straight down the highway of randomness.

Don't believe me? Just take a look at any blog from someone aged under 18 these days. More often than not you'll find the following titles:
a) A Random Day
b) Random Pictures
c) Something Random
d) Random Stuff
e) Randomness
f) Random Thoughts
g) r@NdOm~!!

Or horrors, it could even be the title of the blog itself. If it's not 'My Life' or 'Story of my life' or 'Welcome to my life'.

But hey, no hard feelings there. We can't all be called Twisted Tales.

You know what? I blame it on computers. In a world where the Internet and computer games seem more real than life itself, you can't blame Generation R from thinking that the world is a series of random occurrences where everything happens, un-happens and re-happens with just a click.

Continuity is becoming a lost art. Nothing ever needs to happen for a reason these days. You can have any combination of anything you want just like that. And once you're bored of that, reboot and pick another combination. Facebook. Online games. MP3 downloads. Streaming movies. Think about it - every form of entertainment associated with this generation works according to the theory of unlimited choices within minimal structure. Which largely translates into random fun.

So you see, random is more than just a word. It's an entire state of mind. When Gen R-ers laugh over random, it's not as simple as a joke. It's a proclamation of what they stand for.

Don't say I didn't warn you. Randomness is here to stay. No one can say why or when it'll last till. It just happened.

Now that's random.