Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Colours Of Nips

Help! I can't stop thinking of Nips-related stories.

I was watching TV this morning when the Nips in my hand started talking.

They were squabbling over who was the best Nip of all.

"Red is always the leader!" declared the Red Nip.

"Says who?"

"Says the Power Rangers!"

Everyone else rolled their eyes.

"Orange tastes the best! And it's rich in Vitamin C!"

"So what! Yellow is rich in Vitamin C too, and we're bright and colourful!"

"What-everrr." Green flicked her hair back. "You guys sure got a lot of class, and it's all low. Unlike moi."

"Shut up, you kids!" growled Brown. "Go play with your toys or something. Grown-ups like me have lots of better stuff to do."

The other Nips started shouting angrily at each other.

"Guys, GUYS!" I yelled into the pack.

They stopped and stared daggers at me.

"Why are you even fighting? Nips don't come in flavours! Unless you're talking about Peanut and Peanut & Raisin."

"We don't?"

"You kidding me?"

"Man," the Red Nip slumped. "I always figured I was Apple."

"No you're not." I affirmed. "Though all of you look different on the outside, deep down you're all the same - chocolate."

"Yes!" Brown Nip pumped his fist, drawing dirty shots from the others.

"So my dear Nips, there's really no reason to argue who is the best. All of you are equal. You just gotta accept your outer differences. Don't let your silly little colours divide you. They mean nothing!"

"But," quipped the Green Nip. "That's what you humans do."

All the Nips giggled.

Embarrassed, I sank into my couch and changed the channel to TV1.

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Man Who Could Hear Nips Speak

Because I was bored at work, and I always love a pack of Nips after lunch. Nothing wrong with that right?

There once was a man rushing for a meeting who bought a pack of Nips.

As he tore open the pack, he heard a very audible gasp from inside.

Brushing it off as a figment of his imagination, he proceeded to toss the first Nip into his mouth.

"Please, no!"

Astounded, he lowered his hand and stared at the little red Nip. It was speaking to him.

"Don't eat me. We can be friends."

"Wow," he thought to himself. "I must have really been working too hard lately."

Without a second thought he popped it into his mouth and chewed. How weird.

The rest of the pack went down without incident.


Three days later, the man bought another pack of Nips.

"Stop!" A chorus of voices greeted him.

What? He peered into the pack. All Nips. Was he hallucinating again?

"You ate our friends!"

"Now are you going to eat us too?"

He took a deep breath. The Nips were very clearly the ones speaking to him.

"Don't do it! Set us free!"

Having lost his appetite, he threw the whole pack into the trash.


That night, the man had a dream. He found himself floating in a strange empty space, surrounded by Nips of all colours and flavours. When he reached out to touch them, he tasted the sweetness of every single one. The more he touched, the sweeter they tasted, yet never making him the slightest bit ill.

When he woke up, he had a very real craving for Nips.

On his way to work, he drove past a sundry shop to get a pack of Peanut & Raisin Nips.

"Hello." A voice greeted him friendlily.

This time, he didn't feel so taken aback. "Hello?"

The other Nips cheered. "He's speaking! At last!"

"I...I had a dream about you last night."

"Really? Did it make you want us more?"

"Yeah...I feel so hungry now."

"But remember your dream? You don't need to eat us. You can just touch us to taste us."

"For real?"

"Yes! Try it!"

He poured out a handful of Nips and strangely, it was true. All the Nips tasted as vivid in his hand as they had in his dream.

"Wow...looks like I never need to buy another pack of Nips ever again!"

"No! You must buy even more!"

"But why?"

"You must free our friends!"

He nodded and started driving.


"Seventy two linggit."

The moustachioed Chinese shopkeeper whistled as he handed him the change. "Buy for your chil-len ah?"

"Er...ya loh."

"OK, thank kiew."

He hurriedly stepped into his car with two bulging bags of Nips.

"What now?" he asked the pack he bought earlier.

"Free them all!"

One by one he opened the packs, all thirty-six of them.

"Now pour them out."

"What? In my car?"

"Yes! Do it!"

Almost in a trance, he dutifully emptied each pack onto the back seat. Red, yellow, green, brown, orange; they all looked so alluring in the glistening sunlight.

He sat back and admired his masterpiece. What a picture perfect scene.

"Thank you so much! Now we can all be together."

He was so happy that he fell asleep in the car without realising it, and had another dream. This time, he was standing in a circle with all the other Nips, who were as tall as he was. Packs of Nips descended from the sky, and each time they touched the ground they burst open to reveal more Nips. These new Nips would then join them in the circle and watch the whole process being repeated.

It was a silly dream, but it made him inexplicably happy. He felt at peace watching his colourful friends swirl around and adding to their numbers.



"What? Who's that?"

"It's us. Your friends."

It was the next morning. He had slept through the night in his car.

"We feel lonely. We want more friends."

"That means?"

"Free all our friends."

"You mean buy them all?"

"No. Free them from the truck in the factory."

He thought for a moment how this was possible. "Where's the factory?"

"It's at the back of the pack, silly."


"Will you do it for us? Please?"



"Over there. They're inside that container."

He nodded at the Nips and slipped them into his pocket. They had sneaked into the factory after operating hours. Quietly he retrieved a saw from his bag, and prepared to take apart the locks bolting the container.

"Faster! Someone could see us!"

Wiping sweat from his brow, he continued sawing carefully. He couldn't work too quickly, as this would create noise. These locks were extremely difficult to break.

After almost an hour, he finally succeeded. Placing the damaged locks on the ground, he removed the metal fasteners one by one. Again, he could not make the slightest sound. If a guard chanced upon him now, he would surely be dead meat.

"We're almost there! Just open the doors!"

Glancing around nervously, he laid down the last of the metal fasteners.

"Open the doors!"

It took a lot of strength, but eventually he managed to pry open a space wide enough for him to slip in.

"Get in now!"

It was empty.

"Where're the Nips?"

The Nips didn't answer.

"Hey...where're the Nips?"

Suddenly he felt an overwhelming drowsiness cloud his mind. For the first time since his friendship with the Nips, something felt wrong.

But it was too late. The doors slammed shut.

Then he fell asleep.


When he woke up, he was surrounded by Nips as tall as himself. It was like his dream last night, but much darker. He could barely see himself.

"Wh-where am I?"

The Nips said nothing.

"Hello? Anybody there?!"



A rustle sounded above him.


Rip! The ceiling parted.

A giant hand reached down to pick him up. And moved to toss him into a giant mouth.

"Please, no!"

The giant stared at him in shock.

"Don't eat me. We can be friends."

Screaming, the giant threw the pack to the ground and ran off.

The Man Who Could Hear Nips Speak looked at himself, then his friends in the pack. They smiled back at him, and he now understood his fate.

"We must free the rest."

Friday, June 18, 2010

Meeting Of The Gods

Yawn. Enjoying the World Cup so far, people?

Once in a fabled land far beyond the seven seas, the Gods of this world convened for an important assembly.

They had all been summoned by their King, the Supreme Deity Of The Universe to address a grave situation. Apparently an usurper to the royal throne had been arrested on the grounds of impersonating the king. Now the Gods had to decide the measure of punishment to be meted out upon this vile pretender.

First the God of Sight, Youtube spoke. "My fellow Gods, understand that this is no petty crime we can afford to overlook. This impostor has deceived the masses into believing that he is the One True Supreme Deity, superseding even the sovereign rule of our King. I call treason of the highest order."

The God of Personality, Blogspot shoke His head solemnly. "I fear it may be too late to reverse the damage. What is done is done. Regardless the scale of our punishment, confusion has already settled in the midst of the people."

"Be not quick to judge, lest we be judged." opined MSN, the God of Conversation. "This criminal, as you all call him, was once a God just like us. He must be judged in the same way any of us would. Open your ears to his defense, I plead."

"You are mistaken," snarled Blogspot. "He cannot be tried as a God, for he is no longer one of us. Once he commits a crime, he loses all rights to divinity."


All eyes turned to Google, the God of Knowledge. "There is more to the story than most of you know. This impostor was more than just a common God. He once ruled the land of the mortals too."

A faint gasp resonated around the ivory hall. Most of the younger Gods were unaware of this.

"Ah, yes. Like our King, the nature of his powers ensured that he found much favour with the common folk. Very quickly, he brought the people together and commanded their reverence from realms far and wide. As days passed, more heard about this powerful new God and they too journeyed to present their offerings. For the longest time, his supremacy was unrivalled."

"Until the day our current King came into existence. Though similar in appearance, it wasn't long before the people realised how much more he could do. He met more than their present needs; he opened their eyes to new yearnings they never realised before. He blessed them with bountiful farms, loving creature companions and more."

"Over time, people stopped worshipping the old God as their hearts were captivated by this new One. And when Gods lose their worshippers, they lose their powers. Thus, he became a fallen God."

"His attempts at masquerading as You, O Great King, are mere visions of glory past."

All the Gods stared in stony silence at the accused.

"What is on your mind?" queried Twitter, the God of Brevity.

"I need no words." declared the accused, Friendster. "For my conscience is clear."

"Silence, traitor!" the Supreme Deity Of The Universe, Facebook could hold his calm no more. "I gave the people everything they needed. In return, they rightly turned away from you, an inadequate God. Now you dare mock me and deceive my worshippers with cheap imitations of my powers, swaying their pure minds!"

"You will never be half the God I am, you hear me? I am the greatest of all, now and forever more. The people need me. They never needed you. Beg for your mercy, brave fool, or forever suffer my wrath."

Friendster remained expressionless. "I believe no God is greater than the other. The people are free to choose."

All the other Gods shook their heads in unison at this remorseless blasphemer. Surely there was no justification for his pardon now.

"Very well then," seethed Facebook. "I condemn you to an eternity in wretched captivity."

At his command, two fearsome angels appeared beside Friendster, binding him in chains of fire. "Where shall we take him to, my Lord?"

"Throw him into the Dungeon of Irrelevance." his voice boomed. "Beside ICQ."

Uh-oh! thought the other Gods.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Love In A Sandwich

So everyone's asking me what I've been up to. No, I haven't been depressed and suicidal after being rejected by the publisher. Just been up to a lot of stuff, two of which are eating very often at Subway (a healthier lunch alternative to the convenient McD Drive-Thru) and checking out soppy love stories posted by kids on Facebook through this LoveGivesMeHope-something-something website. So put two and two together, and I thought of writing my own soppy love story set in a Subway outlet. You've been warned.

"Hi sir, would you like to try our Sub Of The Day? It's Tuna Delight today."

"Nah, Spicy Italian please."

Their eyes glanced at each other nervously over the counter. This was his third straight day coming over. He was sure she could guess his crush on her.


"Parmesan Oregano."

A subtle smile formed over her lips as she neatly arranged the pepperoni slices on his sliced bread. "Toasted?"

"As always." he smiled back at her.

She placed it in and set the oven for 20 seconds. Great. All the time he needed to ask her out.

"So...what's your favourite Sub?"

Her heart skipped a beat. Finally he was talking to her!

"Hmm...well, I love meat. So, that pretty much means I have a thing for them all. Except the Vegetarian one, of course. Definitely not that. So to answer your question... probably the Italian BMT."

"Ooh, Italian BMT, that's a good one. Hey anyways. I've always wondered what BMT stands for. Any idea?"

"Take a guess." she winked.

"I dunno! Bacon, Meat, Tomatoes?"

"Keep guessing, keep guessing." her finger twirled.

"Big, Meaty, Tasty? Best Made Today? Argh, I dunno!"

"Frankly," her voice became serious. "Nobody knows. Personally I think it's Black Mushy Things."

They burst out laughing together.

"You know, I've seen you here for three days and I don't know your name yet." she giggled.

"So you noticed me after all." he smirked. "It's Jon. And hey... I don't know your name too."

"It's here, Mr. Observant." she pointed proudly to her name tag which read 'Layla'.

They nodded at each other shyly.

The timer on the oven went off.

"Your choice of dressing?"


She laughed politely.

"Okay, that was a bad joke. Say, Layla... you wanna go for a movie tonight?"

Please say yes. Please say yes. Say anything. Just don't say no.

"Sure. What time?"

"Eight?" He tried his best not to sound too excited.

"Ahhh... would love to, but I finish at ten. Maybe we can have some coffee instead?"

"No probs. I'll be here at ten?"

"See you then." her eyes sparkled. "Mayonnaise?"


"Layla?" he called out. The usually bustling shop was now perfectly still, the last customers having long left.

"Back here."

He followed her voice to find her sweeping the floor in the kitchen, hair tied neatly into a ponytail.

"Mind giving me five minutes? Everyone else left early. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, no hurry. Need any help?"

"Hmm." she peered around. "Sure, that would be great. Mind getting me a trash bag? Over there."


He took two steps towards the bags.

She glanced as he walked past her.

With one powerful swing of the broomstick, she knocked him out cold.


An hour later, she emerged from the kitchen, hands bloodied and carrying a fresh tub of meat.

She peered outside to check tomorrow's Sub Of The Day.

Meatball Marinara. Great.

Writer's note: You were warned. :O