One year ago, I had Snowflake with Peter after he returned from mission trip.
He shared with me how amazing it was, and that I should go too someday.
I told him that I was more keen to volunteer for Life Game. To my surprise, he hesitated before replying, "That's good too, but I think it's still within your comfort zone."
What? Surely he couldn't have meant that, right?
"Sorry ah," he mumbled apologetically as always. "Sorry ah."
Later that night, he even sent me an SMS to say sorry again. Cute!
However, a deep thought had been grafted into my mind: Cold it be true? Was I really too comfortable in my ministry, willing only to approach the seen and face the understood?
It was too much to bear. Somewhat out of peer pressure, I agreed to join the 2012 mission trip first chance I got.
On a dreary Sunday evening in March, the team met together for the first time. It was a lot more serious and scary than I expected. Thankfully over the months, we slowly bonded through times of sharing, prayer, rehearsing and planning together. But one thing remained - the trip itself always seemed like a very distant event. Kind of like death - you spend your whole life preparing for it, but it never feels real until you're staring it in the eye.
Well, I'm now staring the mission trip in the eye. About 12 hours before takeoff.
It has not been an easy journey. Speaking from a humanly perspective, I dislike this trip a lot.
I dislike that it was extended beyond Christmas, seemingly against my will.
I dislike that it was placed in December, a very very busy month for everyone.
I dislike that I have to skip three weddings for it, two of friends who are quite close.
I dislike that I have had to turn down several jobs and endure some crazy rushes for it.
I dislike that so many super urgent projects have oh-so-conveniently popped up.
I dislike that I happened to sign up for the longest, furthest and most 'underprivileged' mission trip in my church history.
I dislike that we are going into an even more difficult and unfamiliar area this year.
I dislike that many people have warned me about falling horribly ill there.
I dislike that we will be there in WINTER with NO WATER HEATER.
I dislike that there are so many extra charges for this trip - vaccination, visa, insurance etc.
I dislike the fact that I'm really, really unprepared for this. As I type, I still have quite a fair bit of work to rush. Planning to wake up early tomorrow to complete it.
These past two weeks, I find myself sometimes zoning into a trance-like state as I imagine how the trip will be like. But ultimately, nothing fruitful seems to result from that.
Maybe, just maybe, it's time to let go and trust God.
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes... and leap!
It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
See you all on the other side of doomsday! ;)