Monday, June 28, 2010

The Man Who Could Hear Nips Speak

Because I was bored at work, and I always love a pack of Nips after lunch. Nothing wrong with that right?

There once was a man rushing for a meeting who bought a pack of Nips.

As he tore open the pack, he heard a very audible gasp from inside.

Brushing it off as a figment of his imagination, he proceeded to toss the first Nip into his mouth.

"Please, no!"

Astounded, he lowered his hand and stared at the little red Nip. It was speaking to him.

"Don't eat me. We can be friends."

"Wow," he thought to himself. "I must have really been working too hard lately."

Without a second thought he popped it into his mouth and chewed. How weird.

The rest of the pack went down without incident.


Three days later, the man bought another pack of Nips.

"Stop!" A chorus of voices greeted him.

What? He peered into the pack. All Nips. Was he hallucinating again?

"You ate our friends!"

"Now are you going to eat us too?"

He took a deep breath. The Nips were very clearly the ones speaking to him.

"Don't do it! Set us free!"

Having lost his appetite, he threw the whole pack into the trash.


That night, the man had a dream. He found himself floating in a strange empty space, surrounded by Nips of all colours and flavours. When he reached out to touch them, he tasted the sweetness of every single one. The more he touched, the sweeter they tasted, yet never making him the slightest bit ill.

When he woke up, he had a very real craving for Nips.

On his way to work, he drove past a sundry shop to get a pack of Peanut & Raisin Nips.

"Hello." A voice greeted him friendlily.

This time, he didn't feel so taken aback. "Hello?"

The other Nips cheered. "He's speaking! At last!"

"I...I had a dream about you last night."

"Really? Did it make you want us more?"

"Yeah...I feel so hungry now."

"But remember your dream? You don't need to eat us. You can just touch us to taste us."

"For real?"

"Yes! Try it!"

He poured out a handful of Nips and strangely, it was true. All the Nips tasted as vivid in his hand as they had in his dream.

"Wow...looks like I never need to buy another pack of Nips ever again!"

"No! You must buy even more!"

"But why?"

"You must free our friends!"

He nodded and started driving.


"Seventy two linggit."

The moustachioed Chinese shopkeeper whistled as he handed him the change. "Buy for your chil-len ah?"

"Er...ya loh."

"OK, thank kiew."

He hurriedly stepped into his car with two bulging bags of Nips.

"What now?" he asked the pack he bought earlier.

"Free them all!"

One by one he opened the packs, all thirty-six of them.

"Now pour them out."

"What? In my car?"

"Yes! Do it!"

Almost in a trance, he dutifully emptied each pack onto the back seat. Red, yellow, green, brown, orange; they all looked so alluring in the glistening sunlight.

He sat back and admired his masterpiece. What a picture perfect scene.

"Thank you so much! Now we can all be together."

He was so happy that he fell asleep in the car without realising it, and had another dream. This time, he was standing in a circle with all the other Nips, who were as tall as he was. Packs of Nips descended from the sky, and each time they touched the ground they burst open to reveal more Nips. These new Nips would then join them in the circle and watch the whole process being repeated.

It was a silly dream, but it made him inexplicably happy. He felt at peace watching his colourful friends swirl around and adding to their numbers.



"What? Who's that?"

"It's us. Your friends."

It was the next morning. He had slept through the night in his car.

"We feel lonely. We want more friends."

"That means?"

"Free all our friends."

"You mean buy them all?"

"No. Free them from the truck in the factory."

He thought for a moment how this was possible. "Where's the factory?"

"It's at the back of the pack, silly."


"Will you do it for us? Please?"



"Over there. They're inside that container."

He nodded at the Nips and slipped them into his pocket. They had sneaked into the factory after operating hours. Quietly he retrieved a saw from his bag, and prepared to take apart the locks bolting the container.

"Faster! Someone could see us!"

Wiping sweat from his brow, he continued sawing carefully. He couldn't work too quickly, as this would create noise. These locks were extremely difficult to break.

After almost an hour, he finally succeeded. Placing the damaged locks on the ground, he removed the metal fasteners one by one. Again, he could not make the slightest sound. If a guard chanced upon him now, he would surely be dead meat.

"We're almost there! Just open the doors!"

Glancing around nervously, he laid down the last of the metal fasteners.

"Open the doors!"

It took a lot of strength, but eventually he managed to pry open a space wide enough for him to slip in.

"Get in now!"

It was empty.

"Where're the Nips?"

The Nips didn't answer.

"Hey...where're the Nips?"

Suddenly he felt an overwhelming drowsiness cloud his mind. For the first time since his friendship with the Nips, something felt wrong.

But it was too late. The doors slammed shut.

Then he fell asleep.


When he woke up, he was surrounded by Nips as tall as himself. It was like his dream last night, but much darker. He could barely see himself.

"Wh-where am I?"

The Nips said nothing.

"Hello? Anybody there?!"



A rustle sounded above him.


Rip! The ceiling parted.

A giant hand reached down to pick him up. And moved to toss him into a giant mouth.

"Please, no!"

The giant stared at him in shock.

"Don't eat me. We can be friends."

Screaming, the giant threw the pack to the ground and ran off.

The Man Who Could Hear Nips Speak looked at himself, then his friends in the pack. They smiled back at him, and he now understood his fate.

"We must free the rest."

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